Deal with difficult

Technologists who want to become managers must learn how to deal with difficult conversations and situations as soon as they arise.
regards,
Dwika-ExecuTrain



Tip #4: "Avoid or Delay Difficult Conversations"
by: Steven Cerri

In past newsletters, I've discussed several of the pitfalls that technologists are prone to when they attempt to transition to management. In this July newsletter, I'm going to discuss the fourth pitfall, and that is the tendency to avoid or delay difficult conversations.

Now, most technologists understand that we became technologists because we didn't necessarily want to deal with people and we didn't like conflict. If we wanted to deal with people we would have become therapists, and if we had wanted to deal in conflict we would have become lawyers.

Most technologists avoid conflict and for conflict we need other people. Therefore, most of us end up avoiding people. I'm not saying we go around being paranoid of others. I'm saying that we spend a lot of time thinking about the universe and technical stuff, and not about the relationships we are in or not in. We deal with the laws of physics, software, engineering, and science, and we do just fine with that approach.

However, if we are going to transition into management then the rules by which we play have to change. Management IS about people. Therefore, what we thought we could avoid, heavy interaction with people and the associated conflicts, are thrust upon us. We cannot avoid the conflicts that come about by becoming a manager.

Therefore, we must become comfortable with conflict. And yet, the impediment to successful management is that we avoid the difficult conversations that may well lead to conflict.

We delay and avoid the difficult conversations until the circumstances become so egregious that the conversations we must now have are completely out of proportion to the original situation.

We avoid and wait for the situations to get so bad that we can't make any further excuses. We must deal with them and by the time we do they are so intense that they are very difficult. And the only reason they are difficult and intense is that we avoided and delayed them until they festered. But the fact that they are so difficult and intense only goes to reinforce that we don't like conflict. We think, "See, conflict is difficult and it should be avoided." It's just a vicious circle.

In order to be successful managers we must understand that the potentially difficult conversations must be addressed as soon as they come up. We must take care of business when we have to. We must deal with those uncomfortable situations when we first notice them.

Those of you who have taken my management classes know that I often say that "I'm not concerned if managers are comfortable. My concern is that their direct reports are comfortable and motivated to do their jobs. If a manager must be uncomfortable to accomplish that, so be it."

And this leads to my conclusion that technologists who want to become managers must learn how to deal with difficult conversations and situations as soon as they arise.